Hi! Welcome back to my kitchen. Thanks for coming over. I am a forward thinker, and I need you to be also. You know why? The end goal is to live a life of peace. We want to be free from the past and the pain for a long time. These five healing habits will help you find peace and stability. They will help from the moment you decide to start the healing process till the day that you die.
You know how I can be so sure? Because I put these five healing habits to the test. I would dare say you are already practicing some of these healing habits even if they are not obvious in your behavior. It is very possible that others shamed and put you down so hard and low that to admit you use these healing habits is scary. I understand. My family was so abusive that admitting I was on the road to recovery or doing anything positive was a secret I kept close to myself.
So what are these healing habits?
Without further fluff, here are the habits:
1. Remember your core reason for healing
All of us have a “big why” or “number one reason” for why we are pursing healing. For some, what happened just wasn’t fair (and it wasn’t) and you want to get away from it as fast as you can. You’re running away from pain. Still, you know that there is more to life than obsessing about the past, and you want to be done with it. Whatever your reason, remember it. Write it down, put it in the front flap of your journal, paint it on canvas, get it printed on a mug. Remember it so you stay on course.
2. Be merciful to yourself
Once negativity is sown into us, we don’t need anymore influence. That person can stop, and you are still criticizing yourself. I did this myself. Critical behavior reigned over me. I had such a critical mindset that I really have to watch it now that I am a parent. I never learned what mercy was until I became an adult and started healing. “Be merciful?”, I’d say, but deep down I could feel all the self-hatred that was still present deep inside.
The online Webster Dictionary uses big words like compassion and forbearance to define merciful. Even if you “deserve” some punishment or in your estimation you are taking too long to heal, mercy reminds us that we do not need to be punished. The amount of time it took for damage to occur might have been short, but that does not mean healing will be short. Be merciful to yourself. And for many of us, the suffering went on for years, so the healing can take many years also. Wherever you find yourself, be merciful to yourself.
3. Practice patience towards yourself
This healing habit might seem like a repeat of #2 above; however, I separated them out to make a point. What I intend to say here is give your heart time to heal. On many occasions, I asked myself “Why am I not healed from this?” or “Why am I not breaking through?” I struggled with impatience toward myself.
Instead of dwelling in negativity, what I did in those moments helped quite a bit. I said, “My heart needs time to heal,” and I moved on to something else. Distractions proved to be an affective method. I moved on to chores, a hobby, or something else. I often relied on God to change my behavior because I had no power to change. You can too. God is not a respecter of persons. What he did for me, he will do for you too.
4. Accept self-care
For some of us, this is a hard one. We work hard to meet everyone else’s needs, to compensate for others, and to hide from our pain. Self-care sounds selfish and unbiblical. The very word triggers our insecurity. I used the word “accept” for a reason. Embrace your need for self-care. Putting your own needs down to the point they do not get met is not loving yourself. If you do not love yourself, it is difficult to love (or serve) others. You might be doing a decent job of helping others, but I would dare say you are running on empty.
If you need a Bible verse, consider the second greatest command that Jesus gave us in Mark 12:31 when Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” He knew that we would naturally love ourselves, and he wanted us to apply that to others. However, when we suffer abuse, we often forget how to love ourselves. The abuse forced us to put ourselves down and to prefer the needs of others. No balance existed, and the abuse forced you to put yourself down in order to cope. Now, you must learn to love yourself again.
Honestly, this healing habit was the most difficult for me to develop. I found being nice to myself a huge challenge. I worked to please people (especially my dad) because I craved approval and acceptance. Making time for self-care took lots of effort. It was a big deal. It still is.
5. Embrace your new life
Once your life starts to change, you might find your new reality unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Perhaps you feel like you walked into a new world similar to a scene in one of the movies. You might embrace new conflicts to stay comfortable. This will cause you all sorts of problems. I know I caused my marriage a lot of problems because I could not accept that life was no longer a fight. Insecurity held me back for quite a while. However, if you are going to fully heal, you need to practice this last and final healing habit. So, embrace your new life.
Any time you feel the insecurity rising, take a deep breath…maybe a couple breaths. Remember where you came from and how you got to a peaceful state. Celebrate. Eat your favorite cookie or call a friend. Let things be new. Decide to continue moving forward, because you definitely do not want to return to the warzone.
One last note about healing habits
I want to remind readers that what I am sharing is my personal experience. I do not claim to be an expert. Although experience is not backed by science, it can help. And, my hope is that it will help you in your healing journey.
Till next time, happy habit forming! You can do it!
-Leisel
