Hi. Welcome back. I’m glad to be with you today. Today’s topic offers hope. At the same time, this topic can be incredibly difficult. Making the past whole is not easy. This task can appear daunting. You know the reaction. You see that phrase, you know you want peace to soothe your soul about what happened to you in the past, but in a split second, the hope is gone and you frown all while recalling the big mountains you cannot overcome to get to peace.
What does making the past whole look like?
When the past is whole, no matter how awful, it does not leave you with gnawing feelings, depression, or a lack of peace. While you might revisit the past memories, they do not prevent you from moving forward with life, finding that job you really want to have, going back to school for the education you need to live the dream life, get married, have kids, start a new hobby, or begin again with your spouse. To make the past whole means that you work through your memories and understand the truth about them.
Making my past whole
Making the past whole is not easy, but you can accomplish it. Bit by bit, you will work on it and succeed. If you read my initial posts, you will understand that I found myself with quite a bit of baggage – sexual abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse. Depression, suicide, and insecurity plagued me. In 2016, I knew something was wrong with me. I started intense counseling and continued for about six years. Finally, last year, I felt like I reached a turning point. I told myself I needed to stop always running to a counselor and I needed to learn to be normal. Negative thoughts and guilt still plagued me. How was I going to be “normal” and move forward? Along the way, I learned to take a thought and analyze. Consider it “taking thoughts captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5). I reasoned through each thought. Believe me, I felt guilty for the smallest hello to someone to the rudest comments I made.
Reflection and Prayer lead to peace
So how do you take every thought captive? How do you get free from your past? I am going to offer you one way. Just remember that everyone’s experience is different along with our belief system etc etc. You might try it and end up grumbling in frustration that it did not work. Finding peace take work. If this doesn’t work, maybe there are underlying beliefs that are holding your back – things you believe at a subconscious level that you don’t realize are pulling you down.
For now, take an instance from your past, and work through it. Describe who was present, what happened, and how it made you feel. Name any feelings and judgements. While this might bring up a cycle of thoughts, do your best to stick with the facts. Acknowledge any mistakes you made, and remind yourself that we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Ask God to forgive you and help you move on. If someone wronged you, seek God’s healing. Say something like “Dear God, this experience has left me hurt and broken. I do not know how I will be happy again. I trust you have ways to heal me. Show me what they are.” And believe me, God will. Consider John 6:29, “The work of the Christian is to believe.”
When wholeness seems unobtainable
Just the phrase “making the past whole” might leave you feeling depressed. When you feel weighed down, slow your pace down. Go slow. Only deal with one thought every couple of weeks. I was not ready to reconcile my past and move on until I completed years of counseling. While six years might not seem like a lot to some, six years was a lot to me. How it feels to you is all that matters. Be present with yourself. Meaning, you acknowledge your thoughts without judging yourself. Let God be the judge. You do not need to be. When it comes to healing, God is interested in your healing. While he is the judge, he is not hovering around waiting for you to make a mistake. If you bring up your past, he cares about you and wants you to be healed. Many times, I needed to address less than desirable feelings about my family. I often looked around waiting to feel judgment and condemnation, but I never felt it. God needed me to acknowledge their negative actions and be healed.
Faith and hope for the past
I cannot emphasize enough that there is hope for you. You can do this. Feeling peace about the past is possible. While the past is full of bad memories, you can find healing and peace so that you can live in the present and enjoy it. Do whatever it takes to find that peace. And believe. I went into my journey know that God asks us to come to him like little children to their parent. Kids believe their parents can do anything. So it is with God. When we go to him fully believing that healing is possible, he will do it. It might look and feel different than expected, but he will do it.
-Leisel
