Physical Roadblocks Abuse Creates and How to Overcome Them
You felt that feeling before. You completed chores and now turn to do something real and fun for yourself. But, your body hesitates, your heart starts to race, and you remember the time it did not work out. Pain lives buried inside and overtakes your body even if you attempt to block out the memories. You quickly find yourself surfing the internet or playing a game you hate while hating yourself deep down inside. The cycle of negative thoughts begins and your spiral into self-loathing continues. You wish you could stop but you can’t. Eventually you feel hopeless and go to bed only to do it again tomorrow. The bad physical habits are ingrained, and you need new ones. Coupled with shame, you despair and lose hope.
What is holding you back? It’s like you’re struggling against an invisible wall. In many ways you are, but that wall can be removed.
Consider the Physical Aspect
It is a form of physical abuse (in addition to the other forms) when someone demands you to do something against your will, and you cannot and you feel that you cannot get out. Or, they prey upon your kindness and then you feel trapped. I am not talking about people that make helpful suggestions like exercising when you feel down, nor am I talking about parents who advised you to clean your room, brush your teeth, or clean the house instead of starring at the TV (yes I’m old school). I am talking about people who dominate you (or at least try to) and do not see you as a person with personal freedom to choose. They do not foster that freedom so that you see the benefits of brushing your teeth and then do it on your own willingly. They create in you a bad physical habit by controlling your body so that it responds in a way that pleases them without considering your needs.
Bad physical habits exist in the body. Bad habits are not purely mental. Someone (including yourself possibly) trained you to sit down and listen to garbage. So now you sit. Someone trained your body to not move towards that jump rope or towards that basketball because it was not academic enough. Now you read books, but you would enjoy dancing instead. Yet you do not look up the dance studio or make moves to take a class. That would be too risky. Shame for not doing what you really want settles in even if it is the right thing to do.
Because You are a Whole Person
Once your body is trained, your mind is affected. Approval comes from doing what you do not want to do. Making your move will arouse guilt – guilt for doing what you want and for not doing what the abuser wanted. Although it feels unpleasant, guilt can be a great indicator that you are doing something right. My counselor told me this one day during my second round of counseling with her. As you step out to do what you need to do for your life, you feel guilty for not doing what the controller demanded. Yet, you are stepping out in the right direction. Revel in the feeling overcoming for a moment and then keep moving forward.
Identify Bad Physical Habits
Maybe, the bad physical habits formed from a need to cope. Maybe you were trying to please someone else in order to gain their favor so you did the thing you did not want to do. Now, you are a pro at doing things you do not want to do. (See Romans 7) You can overcome by starting to do things you want, like, and need to do. For example, maybe some forced you to hang out with them and listen when you would have rather been with your friends. They were insecure and used you to make themselves feel secure. You do not hang out with that person anymore, but now, when you find the next insecure person, you feel obligated to sit and listen. The bad physical habit is sitting next to someone who drains your energy and pulls you down.
People are energy givers, takers, or wasters. I experienced this truth over and over in life. When you meet them, they pump life into you, or they take your energy (words, time, ability to listen etc.) and use it, or they take your energy and waste it. But I digress.
Personal Experience with Bad Physical Habits
I can identify with this dilemma. The last four years of my life were one big wall to overcome. I’m beginning to believe that some of my bad habits were formed within the last four years. Climbing out of the pit required trying different things to see what works. Lately, I started shuffle dancing. Usually done in clubs, I felt guilty for doing something so racy. Yet, the moves did not require me to move in a sensual way, and I used music with positive lyrics. Dancing was fun! I burned calories and lost inches off my waist. The flab I accumulated from pregnancy decreased! If I chose not to dance, those results would not exist. I tried diet and creams – even martial arts – to lose that flab, but they did not work. Although I felt guilty at first, I pushed through while guided by principle and overcame! Now I do something fun that I enjoy.
Let’s Turn the Corner – Changing Habits
Identify the bad physical habits, your current behavior pattern, and what you want to change about it. Understand your motives for sticking with the bad habit. Take responsibility for anything in the past that belongs to you depending on the circumstances. Take responsibility for your actions in the present and future. For abuse victims, this is a big deal. We claim victimhood and hide behind it to block our imperfections from becoming visible. Let’s face it. We are better off admitting the imperfection which someone else threw on us and moving on then wanting to look perfect. We will be at our best when we get rid of the results of the abuse from our hearts. Our lives will be way better.
To overcome, you need to walk straight into the current circumstance that arouses past feelings and face it head on. If you really do not like hanging out with that friend that talks about themselves all the time and wastes your energy every time you hang out, stop spending time with them. Do not worry yet about finding a new friend unless you have got someone in mind. Take time to recover from the bad physical habit. Spending time alone and saving your energy is way better than some self-absorbed “friend” sucking it out of you. Safer social encounters do exist. You may feel guilty at first for not hanging out with that person, but you will feel better for taking action to not be used again. Be willing to speak the truth too. “I’m not hanging out with you today because you always talk about yourself, and honestly it is very draining.” Truth often stops people dead in their tracks.
To sum this post, bad physical habits become physically ingrained and control what we do leaving us feeling defeated. Be present with yourself and name your habits. Walk straight into your fears. Pray. If necessary, repent. Through the Holy Spirit, God transforms us so that we can overcome these bad habits. (Philippians 1:6)
-Leisel
